Either I am extremely undereducated about bisexuality or I am a pariah among my LGBTQ brothers and sisters (are there other letters I’ve left out?) The reasons are many. Among all the categories those letters stand for, the B seems the least stigmatized. Straight men, as far as I can determine, are much more comfortable with bisexual men than straight women are. Straight women are less generous toward bisexual men, probably because they do not trust them to be monogamous or perceive them to be promiscuous. Ironically enough, gay men and lesbians may be the quickest to deny a person the right to identify as bisexual. They think such identification is only a place-holder until they finally have the courage to admit being gay. This is nonsense.
The truth is that sexuality, like everything else in nature, is a continuum. To divide that continuum into discrete categories creates misconceptions, yet we do so only as an arbitrary convenience to make it easier to manage the complexities of life. Therefore a person can be anywhere along the sexual continuum. If you are precisely in the middle, you are a rare bird, yet I allow anyone to identify as anything under all circumstances. The biggest misconception is that one must be in the exact middle of the continuum before he or she can identify as bisexual. Again, nonsense.
One can be attracted to the opposite gender only 10% of the time, for example, and still be bisexual. If the heart of any person speaks to you so strongly that gender is not the issue, you are bisexual. In essence, this provides the likelihood that the vast majority of earth’s inhabitants are bisexual.
Gay men and lesbians have battled for years to end discrimination against them, which has often manifested itself in physical and emotional abuse. They have been stigmatized for decades, but at last we see a majority of Americans evolving to the consciousness of acceptance or tolerance, and in many states, legislatively protecting their civil rights. Marriage equality is sweeping the nation. It is simply amazing how quickly the cultural shift has happened. There is still a long way to go before everyone is on board, and being gay or lesbian among our undereducated populace still carries a stigma.
But those who suffer being stigmatized the most are the transgendered, the transitioning, and the transvestites. They are the ones most scorned by society, yet that too is slowly changing. They are our most vulnerable. Of all the discrete categories we have artificially created to describe a sexual continuum, the least stigmatized, and relatively safest identification is bisexual. But just because it seems relatively safe does not mean it’s not the truth.
It is up to each individual to come to terms with his or her sexual identity. It is not for anyone else to decide. I allow anyone to identify any way they wish, and I will accept it as their truth. Now please allow me the same courtesy.
A friend of mine who has written numerous articles on bisexuality provided me with his own sexuality scale which I find superior to that of Kinsey’s. It divides the continuum of sexuality into more categories, making it easier to help you identify yourself, keeping in mind these divisions of the continuum are for your convenience only. I provide his scale below. I hope this may be of help to some.
By David Sullivan
Aka: James Giambrone, Jr.
Place yourself on the Bi Gauge based on what the sexual attraction is in your heart and mind. There is nothing to hide. You can be free and honest. If you are not sure of which number to pick, say 4 or 5, close your eyes, take a deep breath and let your inner adviser whisper to you. It will become clear as to which number to choose.
0 = Totally straight. Only interested in the opposite gender. No thoughts or internal stirring for your own side.
1 = In your life there might have been a few people of your own gender that have excited you sexually.
2 = Periodically (about four times per year) there is someone of your own gender either in person, on TV, or in a movie or video that creates a sexual heat in you.
3 = Your sexual attraction for your own gender is between periodic and regular.
4 = You have regular sexual excitement for your own team but less than half of the time.
5 = The balance point. Your sexual thoughts, interests and stirrings are equally weighed between men and women.
6 = You have regular sexual excitement for your own team and it is more than half of the time.
7 = Your sexual attraction for the other gender is between periodic and regular.
8 = Periodically (about four times per year) there is someone of the opposite gender either in person, on TV or in a movie or video that creates a sexual heat in you.
9 = There might have been a few people of the opposite gender that has excited you sexually.
10 = Totally gay/lesbian. Only interested in your own gender. No thoughts or internal stirring for the other side.
James Giambrone, author of the self-improvement book: Wisdom is the Answer, Common Sense is the Way.
You can find his blog here: https://biwriter.wordpress.com/
I hope this is an aid to you as you reflect on your own sexuality and opens your mind to the truth that sexuality is a complex subject which compels us to be tolerant of how anyone identifies him/herself sexually.