Breaking News: Ronald Reagan Library Engulfed by Wildfire!

Just as the T-Rump and the Face were throwing the last petards at each other, a wall of wildfire put an abrupt and brutal end to the Second Republican Debate held Wednesday night at the Ronald Reagan Library.

The Simi Valley wildfire jumped the wide firebreak and torched the Library like a battlefield flamethrower, killing all eleven of the Republican candidates and many party dignitaries, donors, and supporters. Local fire officials said that the fire was so intense, the planes dropping tons of fire retardant and the thousands of firefighters risking their lives to contain the blaze could not stop the onslaught of flames.

The historic California drought did not help. All available water resources were diverted to the Library from surrounding counties, leaving hundreds of thousands of Californians vulnerable with no protection from the wildfires at all. It is now clear to these residents, that in a time of crisis, saving the rich and powerful will be the priority, and not them.

Many residents protesting this gross favoritism, gathered as close to the Library as the fire would allow, chanting, “Republicans are repugnant,” and “May you burn in hell!”

Some felt badly when they saw the T-rump and the Face running out a side door screaming, their bodies engulfed in flames. Despite their condition, they continued to claw at one another. Others felt a sense of vindication. They had warned that the debate should be moved to a safer venue, but the GOP would not listen, since not listening to the people and confrontation are two of the main qualities of a repugnant.

Reince Priebus, chairman of the RNC, had been viewing the debate from a remote location. When he was questioned by journalists what was to become of the GOP now that it’s leading presidential contenders were all dead, Priebus replied that fortunately, an earlier segment of the debate was held for candidates who hadn’t polled as well, and they had left the building and were all alive and well, as was the GOP.

Priebus seemed relieved in a way because the remaining candidates were all Republicans in good standing and very establishment. Priebus was also heard to say that though unfortunate, at least the Trump show would no longer endanger the GOP from imploding, as might have been the case had Trump eventually won the nomination. This left some conspiracy theorists to conjecture that the wildfire had been purposely started and aimed at the Reagan Library.

The next GOP debate will be held at the University of Colorado in Boulder. With only four candidates debating, and all of them rightwing career politicians, Republicans can breathe easier. All of the “outsiders” will be gone. The T-Rump from the Jurassic Era will be gone. The wicked witch, who instead of creating jobs destroyed them by the tens of thousands, will be gone. The man who would turn this country into a theocracy will be gone. What a relief. And those that remain are a joke waiting to be written by much smarter TV personalities.

I am sure that as this Presidential campaign continues, though some may have survived the Simi Valley wildfire, the Repugnants will nevertheless feel the Bern!

Peace and Rain,

The Unapologetic Hippie

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2 thoughts on “Breaking News: Ronald Reagan Library Engulfed by Wildfire!

  1. leebalanarts

    Oh my… I hadn’t heard the news. I feel as though a great burden has been lifted with the cleansing fire. As a long standing Repub I was afraid our glorious historical accomplishments would be wiped out by Donny T-rump. Thank God we can get back to the business of saving America from herself by abolishing taxes and reasserting the Christian Values of our founding fathers. We can now put Church at the center of our great American lifestyle and forbid gay marriage along with the abominable Obama Care. Thank you Sir for your estimable observations and reportage. (I got the news in an email – first time I’ve received your blog in an email – of course our views differ but I like to show my Rebub friends what’s going on and you report the real news).

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    1. The Unapologetic Hippie Post author

      My dear sir… you do not realize how close your republican candidates come to self-combusting. Some think their fiery, blowhard rhetoric started the wildfires. However I will reserve judgment since I think nature has done the judging for us. I thank you kind sir for your comment. It is most gladly received though we do not share a shred of ideology.

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